Even If It Kills Me

I've never had so many people not talking to me before, and I'm not quite sure how to handle it. Usually I'm freaking out all the time, trying to fix things and please people and just generally make everyone smile and myself miserable.

Now, I'm just bored with it. Okay, I'm not perfect. You can deal with it.

My mom isn't speaking to me right now. At all. Despite the fact that I'm leaving in ten days for college and not coming back this time until Christmas break. Last year, I was home at least once a month, just because that's how my schedule worked out (and I was a stupid teenager with a boyfriend back at home). But now I have a job, and an apartment, and I can't be running home all the time.

I'm not sure how to handle this silence. While I don't want to leave things tense between the two of us, I REALLY, really, really, REALLY, really don't want to have a shouting match before I leave. I'm so tired of fighting with everything and everyone (myself included).

...

My cat is currently sitting on top of my backing bins. I don't think that Jazz understands what they are, only that they are stable enough for her to jump off of when on the prowl. She's stalking my Disney princess balloon at the moment.

...

Packing over a week in advance is difficult work. I'm constantly thinking about what I'll need and what I won't. The fact that Mom's not talking to me doesn't make it any easier when I'm deciding what furniture I want to take with me.

I'm just ready to be gone from all of this drama. I want to rid myself of this old shell and start something new and incredible again. Like last year, only more amazing because I won't have the same ties that I did when I first left. I feel so pent up right now, so frustrated, so tired.

10 days and counting.

Even If It Kills Me by Motion City Soundtrack