Memory Lane...

So I had a little trip down Memory Lane today when I was cleaning my room. I went through my little "treasure box" (yeah, I actually have one of those). And not only did I have random fliers and things from my entire High School career, but I also had a bunch of things from Middle School and even a couple of things from Elementary School. I was just so surprised that I had actually kept some of those things... And I'll probably just continue to keep them until I die (since I'm the pack rat that I am).

Anyway... While I was sifting through some of the old notebooks that I kept, certain that I'd find a use for the blank pages instead of throwing them away, I found a couple of "Things To Do Before I Die" lists, and thought I'd put them up here, just for kicks and giggles.

So here goes.... The Things To Do Before I Die List
... the accomplished ones are marked with a ♥

> Get a book published
> Write a song that will change someone's life ♥
> Learn how to shoot a bow
> Sky dive
> Take a random road trip across the country
> Get into college ♥
> Learn how to drive a stick shift
> Meet someone who inspires me ♥
> Perform on stage ♥
> Get over my stage fright ♥
> Learn how to speak another language
> Visit another country ♥
> Learn how to read music
> Mock the Guards at Buckingham Palace ♥
> Have my own library


So that's not too bad, right? I'm still working on the others (I'm thinking that sky diving is going to take a very long time to accomplish... knowing me). I'll probably add another billion things to this old list, eventually... when it's not summer and I'm motivated to do something with my life.

Anyways, I woke up this afternoon at around 2... I found out after I ate breakfast and thought about why I woke so late that the medication I'm on right now causes "extreme drowsiness" ... Thanks for letting me know, guys! Oh... and said medication can also cause depression... ironic much?

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Memory Lane by McFly (my fave group of boys everrrrr ♥♥♥)

Simple Enough...

So it's 3:17 a.m. and I can't sleep.

I've just spent the past ... hmmm ... eight hours or so watching the entirety of Scrubs Season Three and I can honestly say that I'm totally disappointed in JD. He used to be my fave... but no... no no no. Maybe that's why I feel so strange right now, IDK.

I've sat and stared at this computer screen for about half an hour, not really seeing it, but not seeing anything else either. My dad must think I'm totally insane - he's watching TV ... silly computer in the living room. But who cares?

I'm not quite sure why I'm writing this, but anything seems more preferable than sitting and staring at the book that I'm supposedly writing. It's been staring me in the face for the past week, nothing added, plenty of things deleted. It's making me feel like a complete failure at life. Why can't I make this story work? I've been working on this for over two years now... lame...
I should not be allowed to write. Nothing good ever comes of it (such as this blog...).

I wish I were a better guitarist. I have no idea what I'm going to do with the rest of my life.

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Simple Enough - Nevershoutnever

Find Me Finding Out

I'm working on creating the new me. So far, it hasn't seemed to work. I'm still feeling awkward and out-of-place most of the time, but I'm thinking that maybe that's never going to change. New Me doesn't like this. New Me does like the new self-confidence that seems to be growing, though. L said that this would happen. It feels pretty good, when I'm around people I don't know. But whenever I get near the people that do know me, I revert back to my Old Self. And New Me does not like Old Self. UGH. I'll just have to keep on working.

So the babysitting set up by mom wasn't as horrific as I know I've been making it sound. I really love V, she's an adorable, well-behaved little girl who can kick C's butt in football (sorry dude, but really - she's eight!). It's really sad, actually. I think he was weathered before she was :)

G is taking me to the petting zoo tomorrow... fun fun :D I've only been to this place once, and that was years ago. It should be awesome (and I don't even have to get up early - yes!)

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Find Me Finding Out: Danger Is My Middle Name ( Full album Sink or Swim available for FREE download at www.purevolume.com/dangerismymiddlename )

Don't You Dare

Alright, Bitch. I'm going to say this one more time... I'M EIGHTEEN YEARS OLD. I can go outside at night and watch the stars if I want to! And I can make my own plans. So thanks for telling me about my babysitting gig the night of the party that I made plans to go to and thanks a ton for telling me after I agreed to pick my friends up. Now my friends are off, and I have to wait until tomorrow to tell them that they need to find other rides.
And thanks oodles for letting me know that you missed me while I was gone by engaging me in a fight an hour after I got home. It's so welcoming. I wonder why I don't like staying and holding in-depth conversations with you. No wonder I can only take your company for ten-minute intervals. UGOSKLDJF:LSIDJFSDKFSDIJFSKDIFS:DIJFS:DILFJS:LDKJF:KLJCVNKDJFOSDIF

Anyway. I love you. But please, please realize that I'm eighteen.

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Don't You Dare: Alexz Johnson

No Escape

I got back from my too-short vacation yesterday. My mom fussed over me for at least half an hour before I decided to ignore her by grabbing dinner and heading to the computer. I can't write about what happened while I was gone yet, because I'm still trying to get all of the days in order before I start spilling on all of the dirt- not that most people don't already know what happened :)

Mom and I got into a fight within an hour of me walking through the front door. L had to help me with my luggage because no one else was interested enough to do that. But anyway, C had been talking about taking a beach trip where my other friends would be. I tried to explain this trip to my mom, that it'd be taking place the week before I had to leave for college, and that my circle of friends did not solely consist of the five other girls I went to the beach with this week. I don't understand what in this is so difficult to understand. It seems perfectly reasonable to me. I mean, I'm going to college! I don't want to lose these people! UGH.

Anyway, I locked myself in my room last night, and I took some of my ramblings from the beach balcony and wrote three and a half new songs. They're not too shabby. I'm actually proud of a couple of them. I'll need a bit of help with the lead guitar parts, but nothing that I can't handle.

PureVolume has been calling me lately. I have the unstoppable need to find new music and bury myself in guitars, keyboards, beeping whirling noises... you know the drill. I love when artists send me messages asking me to check out their music. They're always so sweet about it too. This one guy just sent me a link and was like "Hey, I hope you're having a super awesome day!" and I was hooked. The fact that his music doesn't suck makes it worth it. Check it out - AHNEST!
http://www.purevolume.com/ahnest
Radio! Radio! is pretty catchy :)

Ew, so how about N. messaged me today on facebook. He called me "sweetie" and asked about my bikini. He's such a creep. And when I tell him that he's a creep, he thinks that it's funny... So sketch. I hope he doesn't find out that I live down the road from him... I don't think he will... maybe... hmmm... *changes address*

Anyway, I'm off to go pack up my stuff and get the HELL out of here before I get a stalker (Just kidding - for the most part ;) ).

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No Escape by Civalias

Kids Undercover

It's so weird when you meet someone almost exactly like your other friends. Like, seriously, I went to my college orientation, and my roommate for the night was *exactly* like C., down to the problems that she was having with a teacher - in the *same* subject! How does that even happen?
Someone else that I was talking to reminds me so strongly of another C. I mean... WOW! It kind of creeps me out.... I mean, thinking that there might be someone out there *exactly* like me? It's not a good thought.
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I'm not liking the whole Not-Going-To-School thing... It's so hard to keep up with everybody. I don't want to lose people until I start college! I never felt like I had so many friends until I tried to keep track of them all. Until now, I've just had to walk down the hall and randomly chat with everyone that I knew... and now I have to talk on the phone all the time and coordinate things through Facebook. It's almost overwhelming.
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Ah, I love music. Like... really. No matter what, there is always some kind of some out there to express exactly what you feel. :D

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Kids Undercover: Hello Hollywood

Possibilities

I actually have, like, nothing to complain about during this blog. I'm pretty excited about that. So due to sudden inspiration by G. and his random remark about centaurs, I'm going to explore the possibilities that surround us, and the impact of our decisions on the future.

C. and I were talking today, about what would have happened if she had taken a different path and chosen a different guy years ago. The immense possibilities that opened before us with the simple thought of her dating a different guy... it was crazy. Like... the entire course of our friendship and of ten of my other friendships would have been set way off course. It's strange, how the ripples spread. And now I'm thinking about how every one of the decisions that I make now are going to effect me ten years into the future. Will I change the person that I am? Will I make myself something better, or will I destroy everything I've worked for?
This is such a bad time for me to be thinking about how my actions will change my future. I'm at a huge fork in the road, with hundreds of different paths ahead of me, and it's so hard for me to choose just one. Already I have five different decisions to make, and I'm not sure that I'm going to pick the right one. But it's not like I can see into the future, you know? I can only keep at the pace that I'm going, and I can't turn back and change all of my mistakes anyway.
Which leads me to my next thought... If I *could* go back, would I? I mean, I have so many regrets -too many- but would I change anything if it changed who I was? Probably not... I mean, I've learned a lot from my mistakes, and as great as great as it'd be to erase them from existence... maybe they're necessary...

Anyway, that's just what's been running through my mind. I'm leaving for the beach on Saturday with my girls and I cannot wait to just chill with no worries. ♥

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Possibilities - Teddy Geiger

The Beach

So I'm on my aunt's computer blogging right now because I have nothing better to do. My mom basically put our computer on lock-down against those who would get on and randomly place viruses on my baby. So yeah. This is it.
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Graduation was last night. WOW. I have definitely never experienced such a strange and awkward occurrence ever. I mean... just... wow. I hugged people I haven't talked to since Freshman year. A. and I had this huge conversation during the ceremony and I definitely haven't talked to her since sixth grade, when we both had P.E. together. The fact that I remember that scares me, but you know how memory works with a bunch of little pieces.
I don't feel like I'm really old enough to have walked the stage... I have a diploma now... I still feel like I should be braiding my hair and playing with Barbie dolls, not going off to college to change the world. One thing is for sure though, this is going to be the summer to beat all summers.
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Mom's having my graduation party today and I can safely say that I am friends with appx. ten people out of the billion that she's invited. Graduation was definitely just an excsue for her to have a party with all of her friends. But I don't mind, because they'll all bring me money. I guess I can write out all of my Thank You Letters Sunday before I leave.
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I'm heading off to college tomorrow for Orientation. Mom wants to chill out Sunday night and then do all the stuff Monday and Tuesday. Apparently we're just going to sit on the beach all day on Weds. and then coming home Thursday. So I get to spend Friday just chillaxing at home and washing all of my beach clothes so I can go down to the other beach with my girls for a week of no parents. *Sigh* I cannot wait for that. After spending that much time alone with my mom, I'm going to need a therapist down there with me.
I am excited though. I've never gotten to take a big trip unsupervised. It'll be interesting to see how crazy everything gets -- though of course with our group it won't be too awfully bad, we're pretty nice girls on the whole.
Life's been such a roller coaster lately. It'll be nice to just take time off and watch the world go by.
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"The Beach" : All Time Low

Natural Disaster

I love storms. Love, love, love them. They are absolutely amazing. Whenever I hear thunder, everything in me screams for me to write. I don't know what it is, but there's something about a rainstorm that inspires me. Maybe it's the craziness... idk. But it's beautiful.
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I've been thinking a lot about the random things that have happened in my life. Like... those completely crazy moments that never leave you. Sometimes that happens to me though. Huge moments in my life occur, and all I can recall from the events is the certain smell of an old lady's perfume or how the dim lighting made everything seem magical and surreal. But ask me to tell you what exactly happened and I'd draw a blank.
It was like that seeing Wicked. I can't remember actual events in the play, but I can remember how it made me feel, and the cold chill of the air conditioner on my skin. After I got back from London and listened to the soundtrack of Wicked, I couldn't even remember if the actors had had British accents or not (I do, however, remember that the guy playing Boq had an Irish accent, because he was a Munchkinlander and therefore was really short... he reminded me of a Leprechaun).
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So I've been reading this book lately. I've already read it, but I've started it again. It's called So Yesterday by Scott Westerfeld. While his books are not the best written, the language he uses entrances me. He introduces old concepts that we're all accustomed to and gives them names. For example, in this specific book, the main concept is about "cool" things and how they became "cool." You know how when you see something that looks pretty awesome, you kind of tilt your head and appreciate it? He calls this "The Nod," stating it like it's always been this way. He'll say stuff like, "He gave her shoes the Nod, and asked her where she got them." I love that. Some of his other books are like that, too. Idk, I wanted to randomly ramble about his books, because they're so catchy, like a song you can't get out of your head. I find that I've become really entranced by those kinds of books lately.Substance is always appreciated in a novel, but it's nice to just kick back and read shallow stuff that makes you giggle.
Also on the subject of books... I took the United States History End of Course Exam today, and the only reason I got one of the questions right was because the sinking of the USS Maine was addressed in the Luxe Series, specifically the book Envy. I just thought that was funny :) . That happens to me all the time though. I read something in a fictional story and then can totally relate it back to life. It's exciting.
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So this blog was supposed to be about destroying my writer's block... Nope. Hasn't happened yet. This sucks. I tried to start writing something today while I was waiting on a few specific kids to finish their Exams (five minutes to End Time... when I finished mine within the first half hour-- two hours beforehand) and it just didn't happen. *Makes sad face* Oh well... maybe it'll just take time... *sigh*...
I hate having to be patient.

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Natural Disaster: Alexz Johnson

Memories That Fade Like Photographs...

The last day of formal classes in High School... holy cow... And it had to be today, and all of the crap I've been dealing with had to rear its ugly head today of all days. I don't know how I got through school without having a breakdown, because I came so very, very close. I'm so sentimental, it's not even funny. Everything has a meaning for me.
I guess it hurts a little, closing one of the major chapters in your life. Then again, maybe that's only because all of the chapters I write have unhappy endings (and I'm not talking about stories here...). I'm just afraid of new beginnings, probably because I'm so bad at them. I'm terrible at letting go of things.

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I'm so tired of all the fighting that's been going on. We finally put away our differences in my Theatre group, and after that drawer was closed, another one pops open and lets out some terrible demons.
Why can't he just understand? I hate it when we fight, but he just *doesn't get it*. I really don't understand what's so hard about simply keeping things to yourself. He didn't need to tell them, and I'm so afraid that it'll get back to someone else... There's not even a basis of fact there, only speculation, and I know how rumors travel around school. UGH. This isn't something I wanted to have to deal with on my LAST day of High School.
And I hate us fighting anyway, because I love him soooo much, and he's leaving soon. We shouldn't be like this right now, we should be having as many good times as possible.

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I don't know why I keep listening to these sad songs, playing over and over through my speakers. They do nothing to pull me out of my melancholy. And yet... I can't turn them off, because they're speaking for me.

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Memories That Fade Like Photographs: All Time Low