Can You Hear Me...?

There are certain things that I'd like to say to certain people. I stole this off of R.'s facebook page (thanks dear). So let's get the bashing started...

1. Okay. I'm not perfect. Live with it. Just because your life didn't take you where you wanted it to does not mean that you have the right to bash all of my hopes and dreams. You made your decisions, so let me make mine. We grew up in different times, you can't expect me to have the same views and opinions as you did when you were my age, and you can't try to make me into something that I don't want to be. I just want to write stories and play music. Maybe I'll be happy without a lot of money. I don't want to be a doctor, or a lawyer, or a naval officer (btw, wtf?). So let me be, and stop nagging me ALL THE TIME. It's my senior year, let me make a few decisions, and hey, this is a crazy idea - why not support me in my choices? You know I love you, but sometimes I get the distinct impression that you wish that I had never been born -- do you even have the slightest idea of how that makes me feel? And by the way, when a person is nice enough to bring you home amazing cookies, just say "Thank You" and eat the damn cookies!

2. Sometimes, I almost think that it would have been much easier for me if we had never met last year. Part of me wants to say that it was worth it, just to have gotten to know you, because you really are one of the most amazing people that I've ever met, honestly. But... I don't know, sometimes it feels like you really dislike me. But then you say you're just kidding and you give me that look that makes my breath freeze for a second. But I can't have you anyway, and I just keep leaving myself open for disappointment. I want to tell you so badly how I feel... but I can't destroy what we've built, you know? So yeah, I'll keep silent and I'll keep watching you make the same mistakes. Maybe someday you'll learn... But whatever...

3. Stop messing with me, okay? One minute you're really into me, the next you're going on and on and on and on and on and on about some random girl that you've hooked up with, or are talking to, or are thinking about... Why? What purpose does this serve? Does it make you feel more like a stud or something, to brag about your latest conquest? Why do you have to brag about it to me? I really don't get it. You know how I feel about you. Maybe it's not as amazing as the way I feel for 2, but still, you could at least aknowledge it. *Sigh* And you're such a drama queen. Get over yourself, already, dear, because I promise you, your life is NOT as bad as you keep whining about!!!

4. Sometimes, I honestly don't think I'm good enough to hang out with you. You're so amazing and pure and incredible and... amazing... I just feel like I can't even compare to half of your other friends. I know you say I'm "the best" but really, when I'm around you, I feel totally insecure. You're just so talented and awesome... You're really the best person in my life right now - and I hope that you know that. I love you so very, very, very much, and I really don't know what I'm going to do without you in the fall. I know you say you're replacable, but *I'm* the one that's easily replaced, not you. No one will *ever* be able to fill the spot that you hold in my heart.

5. Get over yourself. You're not as great as you think you are - I promise you. I recognize the fact that we've been friends since, like, forever, but that does *not* give you the liberty to treat my other friends like crap, whether you like them or not. She never did anything directly to you, and just because she made a choice in her love life that you didn't agree with *does NOT* mean that you should treat her like dirt. She was willing to fight for your friendship, but you let your opinions come between the two of you. I respect that you're willing to hold strong to your convictions, but just because you hate her boyfriend shouldn't mean that you now hate her, too. I'm really tired of you putting me in the middle of this crap, and honestly, if it comes down to it, I'm most likely to pick her.


6. I still feel awful about what went down between us. It shouldn't have happened like that. I'm surprised we're even able to talk. I guess I'm just too much of a coward to be able to handle things in adult ways. I'm too afraid of getting hurt to let anyone in. Your deserve more than that, and I really hope you find it.


7. Alright, if I'm a coward, then you're even more of one. You went behind our backs, you tried to sabotage us, and you didn't deal with things the way someone in your position should. I appreciate all of the honest concern I think you've felt for my, but don't be nice to my face and then wrong my friends behind my back, 'kay? Because they deserve more than that, and I think you realize that, too.

8. I pity you. I pity you so very much. I'm sorry that I'm leaving you behind to deal with all of this craziness, but I know you're strong enough to handle it. You deserve more credit that you get. I know that I joke that you're not the brightest around, but you have a big heart, and I can respect and love that. I know that I don't show it all the time, but I love you, and you're the most amazing sibling a girl can have.

So that's my rant on the people in my life that I feel needed to be addressed. No offense meant to any party, really, if you can figure out who you are. If I didn't get this out, I knew I was going to explode.

...

Can You Hear Me? - Evelyn