Expectations

I can't tell if I'm simply dreading tomorrow, or if I'm looking foward to it. Prom seems like such a *huge* deal, and all of the little things, if not put together in the right order, can destroy it. I completely wrecked my first manicure ever today. It upset me so much that I promptly cried all the way to Wal-Mart, where I met L, K, and E, stopped crying long enough to get my year book, and then began crying all the way home, where I sat out in the garage and cried more. I almost fear that there's something wrong with me, but I think that the realization that this is the END is just hitting me really hard right now.
There are so many things that I want to do, so many places that I want to see... But I'm terrified of losing my friends in exchange for my freedom. I feel like I'm drifting apart from my friends, just because I'm so afraid of them drifting away from me first. When we all went to the nail salon today, I felt so strange. Like... they were part of something more, and I was an observer on the sidelines. That doesn't fully explain it, and I'm not sure if any of the words that I have *can* explain how I felt at that moment, but it wasn't a pleasant feeling. Maybe I'm just going crazy.

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I'm still super psyched about the show on Monday. I love the rush that you get from standing on a stage in front of maybe a hundred people? Maybe more, maybe less, it doesn't matter so long as you have an audience. And this time we're actually playing one of our original songs, so people will actually get to take a glimpse of the amazingness that is my song-writing. You know what though? I don't really care if anyone likes my song. It's written about a very important part of my life, that completely changed everything around, and it means a lot to me.

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I got a solo in Ladies Ensemble today... Well, it's more of a duet, with R. I'm sooo freaking excited. It seems to be a great closer to our senior year of high school, seeing as he's my bestestest best friend and all. And he's got the most amazing voice ever. I think it's cute that we're performing "A Whole New World" and he used to kid about wanting to be Aladdin... (or maybe he wasn't kidding...). Yet again more performance rush. I got to sing a solo in "Only Hope" last quarter. It was awesome - I love Switchfoot... and Mandy Moore... and "A Walk To Remember" in general...

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We only have, like, a few more weeks until school ends. I'm graduating... WHAT THE HELL?

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Expectations - Belle and Sebastian