A Story To Tell Your Friends

So my friend R. encouraged me to start this blog as a way to get around my writer's block. We'll see if he's right or not.

Anyway, I'm just going to jump right in here.

My head has been totally spinning all week. Two AP tests (AB Calculus and United States History), multiple in-between tests, performances... Everything is just so overwhelming right now. I'm not really sure how I'm going to keep up. Every time I get a step ahead, it seems like I'm shoved back another two or so. It doesn't help that I've had writer's block and haven't been able to spin off of these feelings.

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But yeah, today I told him that I was through with it. I'm tired of wasted expectations and let-downs. I'm tired of broken hearts and holding my tongue. He'll never realize how it could have been, but I'll be reminded of that every time I look at him. I told him just how pissed I was, but he didn't take me seriously. And why should he? He's never seen me the way I see him.

It seems like every time I fall for someone, it's all for nothing, because I can never be with them. Even the ones I do end up with, it just doesn't work out. Seven weeks... Three weeks... In the end, I just can't be happy. This leads me to wonder if maybe there's something wrong with me. Maybe I'm just totally crazy and can't be happy with anyone. I don't know...

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The 'rents are out of town this weekend. I should be being a crazy high-school kid, throwing parties and having oodles of fun, but I can't. I talked to J. about this the other day. He says it's because of my religion (I'm Catholic), because "If you don't repent, you explode... and then you go to Hell" (no offense made to all you devout Catholics out there). I think he may be onto something there, though. I mean, the other day I had this vivid memory of this terrible, terrible weekend that I spent in Illinois (my former home state) where a very embarrassing moment occurred. This horrible thing happened over four years ago, and I'm apparently *still* mortified and guilty. I mean... really? FOUR YEARS AGO. That's crazy. I told myself that, but it didn't really help. This has happened before, too. I have random memories of bad events and I *still* feel bad about them all. Not Healthy. Maybe that's why I have issues letting go of people/events.

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Yesterday, C. and I went out to eat and saw W. This wasn't the worst thing that could happen in the world, but it was still really awkward. While we were out to eat, we got stuck in the crazy freak-tornado storm that was happening. Hmmm... tornado + room covered in giant windows = death? It was pretty crazy. I wanted to get a sheep from Goodwill and place it on W.'s car... but C. wouldn't let me (W. is absolutely terrified of sheep.).

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AP United States History test tomorrow... Wish me luck... *dies a little on the inside*.

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I'm going to start titling all of my posts after song titles, and then putting the song and artist at the end of the post. They're all really catchy, you should check them out :D

> Title of Blog : Silence Is A Scary Sound - McFly (written and performed by Dougie Poynter - my favorite bass player of all time... besides J of course).

> Title of Post: A Story To Tell Your Friends - Every Avenue (they are so awesome in concert)